lately,i've been having a lot of ups and downs. some days i'm so happy i feel like i can conquer the world and others i feel so deep down in the pits that i may never come back up :(

some days i need a giant bear hug but no one there to give me the kind i need. i need a dad but as far as i am concerned i don't really have one,not one that is there for me anyways.

i am not doing drugs,not smoking,in fact im healthier than ever right now. i just have to think,have to believe that tomorrow is a better day and it's a new chance for me to wake up and smile :) and in fact i will,i will smile when i wake up as if i like getting out of a warm bed in the cold winter months,i will make tomorrow as good as it was meant to be,i will get good scores on tests at school,i will,i will,i will with all my heart and soul and every fiber of my being :)

Connection

somtimes, i don't really feel connected in a circle with friends like i want to be.i don't realy feel close to people and i get upset. so,say i have one awesome friend and she/he and i are as close as can be without being creepy.when they bring another friend along,they start talking about a HUGE something that you know nothing about and then you can't say anything because you can't relate to what they're talking about at all.

i just lately have been feeling like i've been inside a bubble. i can see everyone outside and i can even sometimes touch the outside,but then i'm thrown backwards and i can still see the other side,but i can't get to it. you know what i mean? i can touch the outside,feel connected to people for only moments and then the feeling of connection is gone. i mean,i'm still happy and warm but the feeling of....i guess the feel of connection itself is what i'm missing.i alwasy feel under pressure like i have to look for something, i feel hungry for something more,a bigger point of view,something i can see beyond the frames of my glasses,beyond my bubble.

song of the day:Shake Up Christmas by Train

If Origami Creations Could Talk....Well,That Would Be Super Creepy

Okay,so I had a penpal from Japan named Leo and all of a sudden he stopped writing me!And my friend Selena whom I stayed in contact with for a over a year whie she lived in Arizona won't talk to me either!I think she's upset because I didn't come to her birthday swimming party.Ugh,I hate those type of parties!But if that's not the reason she's mad at me and something else is going on in her life that she has to deal with right now,i wish she would've said so!I haven't talked to her in forever.When I got her birthday present I got her this gorgeous red and warm orange and dark purple-y scarf to wear that was honestly something that I would want to wear but I am not able to give it to her so I'm gonna give it to my friend Corinne for her birthday.I'm going to do that because I would feel really guilty if I kept the scarf for myself.Giving it to someone else is a lot better than throwing it away right?


Today there is nnnnnnooooooooooooooooo school!Yay!There isn'y school today because of Veteran's Day.



This Saturday I'm auditioning for this mini orchestra and if I make it I might be able to be in the big symphony orchestra when I'm older!So awesome!But I don't have a song to play at my audition....oops.It has to be 1-2 min. long so I don't know how I'm gonna pull this one off!Hopefullly it will go well,cross your fingers for me ^.^


I have been having a lot of weird dreams lately.And I always dream in full color no matter what so there are lots of colors to look up in my giant dream book.I've been dreaming of butterflies,boats,being trapped behind a fabric wall(which I had just last night),playing my cello on the water in a cobalt blue cardigan for thousands of Japanese people in the muddle of the ocean,being on the empire state building and being able to see 4 different continents across the ocean,and this one guy who is on crutches from my school keeps showing in my dreams,only glimpses of him though which is really odd because I have never talked to him before but he's in my lunch period.....I wonder.... :)







I'm hingry this morning but I still have to do yoga before I eat but I'm feelin' prettay lazay.Okay now that was just dorky.




check out some of these website that i get my clothes and jewelry on sometimes!

www.snorgtees.com/


www.designbyhumans.com/


www.tofebruary.com/






i love shopping online ;).



what types of weird dreams do you usually have?what colors do you see?tell in the comments section beloooooooowwwwwwww-uh!(in a sing-songy voice)
P.S. lately I've been really into origami!I love it.







song of the day: Damn This Shit Getz Old by Never Shout Never

My Life Plan

i know it sounds stupid,and you are probably thinking"why would you make a life plan?"but i didn't "make" a plan in a fuzzy pink notebook written in sparkly fushia ink.it's just sort of how i want things to plan out.hopefully it will turn out that way anyway.

1.get good grades in junior high.

2.good grades throughout highschool.

3.get a 4.0 average when i graduate.

4.get a fully paid scholarship to an arts or music college.

5.somehow make money for performing music or selling art.

6.travel the world.

7.die happily.

okay,so i skipped a lot between steps 4 and 5 but that's basically what i hope to do.the thing is i donj't know if music ir art is for sure something i want to do as a career.i don't really have to worry about that though just yet which is a good thing so i can remain placid until the last minute in highschool ^^.

there is this orchestra audition next saturday for people who have been play the cello/viola/violin/bass for less than 2 years and i am going to audition because it would be a good opportunity for me to experience something bigger than my orchestra class at school.you have to play a G or D scale and a song that lasts 1-2 minutes and it you make it in you have to pay $85 which in my opinion is pricey but my mom insisted that it was okay so i agreed.hopefully it will turn out well,root for me please!

song of the day:First Dance by Never Shout Never

Long Time no Blog/E-mail!

long time no blog!sorry i haven't blogged for a while,i've just been busy being lazy.









no,i wasn't just lazy!....









i was busy with finishing up school and stuff and now i have a two week break!yay!!!









i went shopping for pants today and i hated how i looked in every pair i tried on.my self-esteem wasn't low and isn't for that matter,i built my self-esteem back up after it went down the toilet a hundred mile an hour,but i had just eaten chinese food before traipsing over to the mall so i felt really full.but anyway i'm good now :).











i have these two penpals from japan and all of a sudden they won't email me anymore :(.i don't know if i'm b oring or what but we've only sent two emails each and it's been like three weeks!maybe they won't ever write me again or they're just busy?hopefull they'll write soon.....



















i watched one of my mom's old excercise videos from the 90's out of curiosity and i tried it with my little sister and it was hilarious and ended in a big fit of laughter.i'm kinda sore though today and my said that they did work when she used them so maybe i'll use them?......















i like owl city music and i just discovered he has a blog and it is one of the most inspirational poetic sounding blogs i have ever read.the writing is so beautiful and the words sound so sweet and as you read them they swirl around in your head and settle like seeds in the nooks and crannies of your brain and they blossom mental images that seem almost witchy but give you such a tranquil feeling.it's kinda hard to explain because i don't know enough words that i know to explain what i retain from his books....?if that makes any sense!




















i really am sleepy even though i went to bed at 10 last night and woke at 11....maybe i didn't sleep deeply.








song of the day:Beat It by Michael Jackson





my mind has really been on retro michael jackson stuff lately.hhmm...puzzling


i also know how to play the main melody of this song on my cello,it sounds pretty cool :).

What do You Think About Eating off Another Person's Stomach?

one of the many things that i don't like that is always my fault is when i lose my phone.and then i try to call it.and then i remember........that my my phone is set on silent.

i also don't like when i burp through my nose after drinking pop.gosh,that hurts!it's kinda fun though.... ;).

okay,so in japan they have these cafes that are themed and one type is sushi served on a naked lady!and i thought i'd heard and seen it all.but,the idea of eating sushi off a naked lady who is shaved head to toe and washed with a special soap is kind of disturbing.....just a little(i'm actually totally disgusted honestly,i mean,i'd rather eat off my dad's apartment floor!)they also have one where you can bring your cat with you and hang out with other cat owners!i love cats so that's definitely one place i'd go if i went to japan.they also vampire themed ones,prison themed,halloween themed,maid themed ones are where girls dress up like maids and call you master and whatever,mainly a cafe for guys if ya ask me.but i guess it's a really cute hang-out fo girls too.they also have this pooped themed one............you get served stew that looks like diarrhea in a mini toilet bowl.i actually saw it on tv and i think it's pretty freakin' awesome,because seriously!who DOESN'T wanna go to a bathroom and poop themed restaurant!ewwww..now that i say it like that,it's sounds pretty gross.unless it sounded gross from the start.....

but anyway,they have a lotta different cafes and even some normal ones believe it or not!and my normal,i mean starbucks type cafes.

my biggest dream is to go to japan someday,so i'm saving my money,getting rosetta stone for speaking japanese for my birthday and learning as much as i can about japanese culture and history as possible.i love ancient history and different cultures so it's all pretty interesting :).

goin on my 2 week fall break from school in four days,yippee!finally no more english class for a while!

song of the day:Misery by Maroon 5

These Things...

things i love

• tattooes


• movies


• ghost shows


• new shoes


• sneakers


• people


• people that smell nice


• smiling


• music


• instruments


• an african talking drum


• sleeping


• yoga


• excercising


• being sweaty after excercising


• hair products


• hair styles


• old cameras


• friends


• meeting up with people you haven't seen in a while


• travelling


• long car rides


• the radio


• listening to the radio on long car rides


• cats


• soft fabric


• elephants


• pandas


• japan


• manga


• books


• autumn


• green eyes


• celestial things


• tall people


• short people


• the breeze


• the smell of burning leaves


• rain showers


• listening to rain at night to fall asleep


• after i'm done painting and i have paint all over my hands,i like to rinse my hands off and watch the colors go down the drain and stain the sink


• dove soap


• showers


• cold showers


• warm showers in early winter mornings


• the letter Q


• candles


• colors


• sounds


• sights


• smells


• feelings


• life


• freckles


• granola


• yogurt


• people laughing


• food


• chopsticks


• walking around Chicago in the middle of winter at night


• clouds


• balloons


• typing


• brushing my teeth


• tea


• water


• looking at the time


• bubble wrap


• http://www.youtube.com/


• being vegetarian


• summer time with cousins


• baseball


• being at home


• school


• boston,massachusetts

song of the day:Love Set in Stone by Shayne Orok